Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
