To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
