Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
