i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
