I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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