He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
