I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
