remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
