Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
