Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
