just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
