she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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