I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
