Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
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