Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
