I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
then he tried to convert me to islam
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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