They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize