Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
