The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
