they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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