i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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