we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
