i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
