I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
