i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
