And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
