are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
