It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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