Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
