Are we in a gay sports bar?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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