And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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