Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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