so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
