She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
