I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
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i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
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im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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