white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
