I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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