Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Randomize
