her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
