wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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