your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
