I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
