And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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