I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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