i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
