So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
