We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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