His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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