I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
