Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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