Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
