I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
