Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
