im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
