Screwed.edu
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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