I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
