PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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