things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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