every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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