I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize