it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Randomize
