i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
