Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize