Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
vagina is talking i cant
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
