her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
