90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
