Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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