That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
God I need to hump something, right now.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
