He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
