she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
